Short Screenplay Contest Entry

A hiring office. A MAN sits behind a desk, reviewing applications. His secretary buzzes in on his intercom.

SECRETARY

(Over intercom)

Your 2:30 is here.

INTERVIEWER

Send him in.

The APPLICANT walks into the room.

INTERVIEWER

Take a seat.

applicant

Thank you.

INTERVIEWER

So, I'm going to be frank with you. Your resume looks a little thin. I know you're young, but we're looking for someone with a lot of experience.

APPLICANT

Well, while I don't have a lot of experience, I feel that my specific experiences are very pertinent to the job.

INTERVIEWER

Your only formal training seems to be as a carpenter.

APPLICANT

Well, it's the family business.

INTERVIEWER

We don't need you to build us a house.

APPLICANT

Carpentry has given me the ability to problem solve and a good deal of self-discipline.

INTERVIEWER

Well, that's all well and good, but we're looking for more of a brainy type here.

APPLICANT

I come highly recommended by my local rabbis.

INTERVIEWER

Yes, but it seems like you've ticked off the religious leadership elsewhere.

APPLICANT

You can't please everyone.

INTERVIEWER

They seem to think you're arrogant and self-centered.

APPLICANT

Well, I guess they're entitled to their opinion.

INTERVIEWER

And what is this about your father?

APPLICANT

What about Him?

INTERVIEWER

You put Son of God on your application.

APPLICANT

Well, I think that my upbringing as His son has given me a perspective that would be a positive in this job.

INTERVIEWER

Yes, well, we don't like to reward nepotism here. Let's look at the rest of your application.

Pause.

Now, what's this about a party?

APPLICANT

Ah, yes, I changed water to wine at a party.

INTERVIEWER

And why did you put this on your resume?

APPLICANT

Well, I figured you'd want somebody with the ability to perform miracles.

INTERVIEWER

Well, it may wow the guys at Pi Kappa Alpha, but those kinds of parlor tricks don't really impress me.

APPLICANT

I just figured, I mean, wine is pretty special, and water's-

INTERVIEWER

Do you have a problem with alcohol?

APPLICANT

No. Why would you ask that?

INTERVIEWER

Well, it seems like you're quite fixated on this water-to-wine business.

APPLICANT

Fixated? You brought it up!

INTERVIEWER

Let's just move on. What do you in your spare time?

APPLICANT

Well, I heal lepers on weekends normally, although I've also been known to cast demons out.

INTERVIEWER

On weekends?

APPLICANT

Yes.

INTERVIEWER

You mean, you work on the Sabbath?

APPLICANT

Well, I mean, it's volunteering, I wouldn't really call it work...

INTERVIEWER

I don't care what you call it, you're doing work, and that's frowned upon.

APPLICANT

I just try to help.

INTERVIEWER

Quite frankly, I find many of your actions in the past disturbing. We do background check on all our applicants, and it turns out that you have a criminal record.

APPLICANT

Is this about the incident at the Temple?

INTERVIEWER

Yes, indeed, it is.

APPLICANT

It was a misunderstanding...

INTERVIEWER

Turning over tables? Setting wild animals loose? What more is there to understand?

APPLICANT

They had turned my Father's house into a den of thieves!

INTERVIEWER

Again with the father business! Let me make something clear. We do not hire based in any way on familial relations with current employees here.

APPLICANT

I was just-

INTERVIEWER

No, you know what, I've heard enough. I'm sorry, Mr. Christ, but I just don't think that you would fit Judaism's position for a Messiah. Thank you for coming.

APPLICANT

Can I-

INTERVIEWER

(More forceful)

Thank you for coming.

APPLICANT

(Resigned)

Right. Thank you.

INTERVIEWER

You may see yourself out.

The APPLICANT leaves.

Fade out.