Posted by dannyporter
1.4K views
Roberta: Wheelchair Stuntwoman by Danny Porter Copyright 2009
EXT. empty lot. afternoon.
fade in:
CLOSE UP: wheelchair wheel. a tank of nos is being attached.
Fern
Are you sure this is safe Roberta?
Roberta
To some the world is a dangerous place, with only few occasional moments of safety, to others the world is a safe place, only occasionally broken by moments of danger.
Fern
Wow. where did you hear that?
Roberta
It was on the bathroom wall at Gun World.
FERN
Why were you at Gun World?
ROBERTA
I was buying this
ROBERTA pulls a hand gun from her wheelchair
FERN
Holy crap. why do you have a gun?
ROBERTA
So you can shoot me if I don't make this jump, I don't want to suffer.
FERN
Are you serious? I'm not going to shoot you.
ROBERTA
Well then I'll just have to shoot you.
ROBERTA points the gun at Fern
FERN
Seriously?
FERN kicks ROBERTA in the shin, and takes the gun from her.
ROBERTA
Ahh Spit! Why the hell did you do that?
FERN
Um. well you had a gun pointed at me. and stop complaining, you can't feel down there anyway.
WENDY speaks from off screen
Wendy
Hurry up! I've got to go to work!
WENDY is standing a few feet away holding a camera
ROBERTA
OK Wendy! God. Let's do this. give me my gun.
FERN hands ROBERTA her gun.
FERN
Good Luck.
ROBERTA
One-half of life is luck; the other half is discipline - and that’s the important half, for without discipline you wouldn’t know what to do with luck.
FERN
Um, OK then. Good discipline.
ROBERTA
Thank you.
FERN backs up to stand next to WENDY.
ROBERTA starts to wheel herself forward towards the jump. she speeds up, and then reaches down to push the NOS. It does not work. She freaks out and starts screaming.
ROBERTA
Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh crap!
Roberta is flying through the air, the wheelchair starts to flip.
EXT. field. afternoon.
narrator (Roberta)
I vividly remember when I became paralyzed from the waste down.
Roberta is walking through a field, she is happy.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
It was two years ago. I was walking one day when all of the sudden out of now where a man in sunglasses and a mullet started chasing me.
Man in Mullet
Hey! you! come back here!
MAN IN MULLET chases ROBERTA
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
I started to run. I was scared. I ran and I ran, until I found a tree to hide behind.
ROBERTA hides behind a pine tree.
MAN IN MULLET
Hey! Where are you?
MAN IN MULLET notices ROBERTA behind the pine tree. He pulls out a gun and aims it at the tree. he shoots the trunk causing it to fall on top of ROBERTA.
ROBERTA
You would think that the weight of the tree would have caused the injury that put me into my current condition, but if you thought that, you would be wrong.
ROBERTA pushes the tree off of herself and throws it at the MAN IN MULLET. The MAN falls to the ground. He is bleeding profusely.
ROBERTA
You see, I was walking home from yoga class when I was attacked by the man in the mullet.
ROBERTA is doing yoga.
The inner strength that I had acquired during that class is why the weight of the tree was not enough to cause the injury that put me into my current condition.
ROBERTA gets up from the ground, the MAN moves the tree off of him. ROBERTA backs up slowing moving away from the man.
ROBERTA
What caused me to be in my current condition was the simple act of backing up.
ROBERTA continues to back up.
ROBERTA
You see, I did not look where I was backing up. This was a mistake.
ROBERTA falls into a hole.
ROBERTA is still in the hole. Her legs are no longer attached to her body.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
I had fallen into a large hole. how that whole got there, I'm not sure. What I was sure of was that my legs were no longer attached to the rest of my body. At first I felt no pain. But the minute I looked at my wound the pain became unbearable.
ROBERTA
Ah! Ah! Ah! My legs! Ah!
MAN appears at the top of the hole an looks down at ROBERTA. He is bloody and nearly unconscious.
MAN IN MULLET
Hey. Miss. You dropped your wallet a couple blocks back.
MAN reaches down to ROBERTA and hands her the wallet.
ROBERTA
Thanks.
MAN IN MULLET
No Problem. Are those your legs?
ROBERTA
Yeah.
MAN IN MULLET
Holy Shit.
MAN looks at her legs and faints. ROBERTA crawls out of the hole, climbs over the MAN IN THE MULLET, grabs her legs and walks on her bloody nubs to the hospital.
int. living room.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
After I got out the hospital, I went into a deep depression for nearly three months.
ROBERTA is laying on the floor her wheelchair is on the ground next her, she has fallen. She is crying.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
Then one day, I got a postcard.
ROBERTA is still on the floor. A knock comes from the front door.
ROBERTA
Hold on!
ROBERTA crawls to the door. She reaches up to open it. The MAILMAN is standing in the doorway.
MAILMAN
Yello.
ROBERTA
Hey.
MAILMAN
Beautiful day out, wouldn't yah say?
ROBERTA
F*** you.
MAILMAN
Oh my. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
ROBERTA
What do you want?
MAILMAN
Well I have a postcard for you.
ROBERTA
Give it here.
MAILMAN
Yes maam.
ROBERTA slams the door.
ROBERTA
(mumbling) He's like the freaking mailman from Mister Roger's Neighborhood.
ROBERTA looks at the postcard.
It reads: Hey jerk off, get a move on or I'll roundhouse kick you in the face. Love Chuck Norris.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
So I did. The very next day I was out learning how to live in a wheelchair.
ROBERTA is practicing steering and pushing her chair. She falls many times, and becomes extremely bloody in the process.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
Eventually I became so confident in my abilities that I started trying tricks.
ROBERTA tries to do a wheelie, but falls and starts to bleed.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
I became so good that I decided to start a career. I would be, Roberta: Wheelchair
Stuntwoman. My first major trick would be a triple back flip off a 20 foot ramp into a tree.
CLOSE UP: wheelchair wheel. a tank of nos is being attached.
Fern
Are you sure this is safe Roberta?
Roberta
To some the world is a dangerous place, with only few occasional moments of safety, to others the world is a safe place, only occasionally broken by moments of danger.
NARRATOR (ROBERTA)
If only I had taken a moment to step back and think about what I was doing. But I didn't.
ROBERTA starts to wheel herself forward towards the jump. she speeds up, and then reaches down to push the NOS. It does not work. She freaks out and starts screaming.
ROBERTA
Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh crap!
ROBERTA is still spinning and screaming. She crash lands onto the ground. there is blood everywhere. FERN and WENDY run to ROBERTA
WENDY
OMG! are you okay?
ROBERTA
Does it look like I'm okay?
WENDY
I can't really tell. there's quite a bit of blood.
ROBERTA
God. You are a moron.
FERN
Hey Roberta, we should probably go to the emergency room.
ROBERTA
No! Shoot me.
ROBERTA hands FERN the gun.
FERN
I am not going to shoot you!
ROBERTA
Be like Nike and "Just Do It"!
FERN
Fine.
FERN points the gun at ROBERTA. And shoots her in the leg.
ROBERTA
Holy crap!
WENDY
ha ha. You shot her.
ROBERTA
You shot me in the freaking leg! I can't feel my freaking legs! I told you to kill me!
FERN
Sorry.
WENDY
Hey. I gotta go to work.
ROBERTA and FERN
Shut up!
ROBERTA
I think I'm dying.
FERN
You're not dying.
ROBERTA
I see the light.
FERN
That's the sun.
ROBERTA
I know. His name is Jesus.
FERN
No. that's the sun.
ROBERTA
Goodbye.
ROBERTA goes unconscious. As her eyes close another scene begins.
int. waiting room. late afternoon
ROBERTA and FERN are sitting in a waiting room.
ROBERTA
Why didn't you take me to the ER?
FERN
This was closer. And the doctor is a friend of mine.
ROBERTA
Where is Wendy?
FERN
She had to go to work.
ROBERTA
Of course.
NURSE appears in front of them.
Nurse
The doctor will see you now.
FERN
Thanks.
FERN and ROBERTA follow NURSE to DOCTOR KELTON'S office.
DOCTOR KELTON greets them as they enter.
Doctor KElton
Well hey there.
ROBERTA
Hey.
FERN
Hi.
DOCTOR KELTON
So what seems to be the problem today ladies?
ROBERTA
Well I was doing some sick tricks in my chair and I crashed.
FERN
And then I shot her.
DOCTOR KELTON
I see. Well that's nothing I can't fix.
DOCTOR KELTON kneels down and puts a band-aid on ROBERTA'S gunshot wound.
ROBERTA
Seriously? That's it?
DOCTOR KELTON
Well yeah. I mean you should probably take a shower, you're a little bloody. But other than that, you're good to go.
ROBERTA
I'm not sure if you heard my friend here, but I have a bullet in my leg.
DOCTOR KELTON
Yes. But your legs don't work. so it's not a problem.
ROBERTA
Thanks.
ROBERTA and FERN walk outside and cross the street. A car comes speeding by and hits ROBERTA'S wheelchair, blood is everywhere. ROBERTA is dead. FERN grabs ROBERTA'S gun and points it at her head and shoots herself. Camera shows the car. WENDY steps out of the driver's side.
WENDY
Ah crap. I'm gonna be late for work.
fade out.
THE END.
Comments